A Trail of the Pieces of My Heart

"The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, 'Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.'"

~ Acts 23:11

I just got back from a five day industry trip to Los Angeles.

I left thinking that it would be a good experience, I could make connections with the people out there, see what it was like, and maybe I might come out for my internship if God opened up the doors for a really good opportunity.

...

From my first step out of the airport I felt like I was sent into a wonderland of possibilities. I felt like a kid going to town for the first time.

I'd always heard about how dirty LA is... about how crazy the people in that city are.... I must say, I agree. It's not a pristine, sparkling city with glass buildings and pretty people all dressed up to walking around the clean sidewalks. There are literally billboards and banners for different movies, TV shows, and stage performances everywhere. The streets are rough, drivers are insane, and, basically, the place looks like a third world country.

First day, after the initial awe, I began to be afraid. The streets were so packed with people... as a young woman I was painfully aware of the way that the men looked at me, more than any other city that I had visited. I got sidled up to by a street dancer, stared down by a man sitting behind me, and all in all, I felt a distinct terror at the idea of living in this place on my own.

But as the days continued and I began to fall into city life, even just the tiniest bit, I began to feel a connection to this city, a drawing deep down inside of me to walk these streets, spend time among these people. I found a sense of belonging that–as a Third Culture Kid, born outside of the United States–I haven't had in a very long time. People didn't look at me like I was out of place. The people that we met with made and held eye contact with me.

This was the first step of falling in love....

Then we visited the studio backlots, and I quickly fell in love with exploring the sound stages and dreaming about what it would be like to work on the art for just one of those many sets. 

A friend discovered a way to get onto the roof of our hotel and so together we would look out over the LA landscape and talk. During these times, as I scanned the horizon with all of it's sparkling lights, billboards, and the large sign and cross for the Church of Scientology, I felt a connection to this large, scary city. There was just something about it that tugged at my heart.

It is in this city that the heart of the film industry beats. It is this city that a lot of the stars and decision makers in the industry return to as a "base."

In that moment I began to realize that it is in this city that I have been called by Christ.

As I stared out of the airplane window and watched LA disappear behind me, I could feel my heart catch in my throat. As we came in to land back home, I just couldn't look at the city the same. Everything is so clean here.... All the streetlights are lit with a welcoming glow, and the buildings are tall and sparkle like someone has just come through with a squeegee and a bucket of water to wash them. Everything is so orderly... it's such a beautiful place to live.

But with my face pressed to the airplane glass, I knew deep down in my heart that I was not called here.

I have left a piece of my heart in LA, and I know that I will return someday to pick it up.

How? I have no clue.... I certainly don't have the money to live in LA right now. When? I don't know that either.... There is still another story class that I would like to take after graduation, and then there's again the matter of raising enough money to live.

All I know is that God has called me to LA. He showed me Acts 23:11 as a final confirmation.

This verse is also a comfort to me. There are so many unknowns, and, honestly, LA is still a really scary city to me... especially since I've never yet lived away from my parents. I have no idea how I could survive even a month there on my own.

But that is when God stands near me and whispers, "Take courage!"

Assr vísa ykkarr brand.

(May God guide your sword.)

ElizabethMarieKauffman